David,HowGan

I need people to critique my poem. Serious critique. The Shadow Man Everywhere that I go the Shadow Man is there. He causes my doubts and troubles and despair. When I am starting to feel good He covers me like a dark hood And sucks all those feelings away. Sometimes he makes me feel numb But usually he makes me...

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3 months ago 3

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  1. Shazy

    If you will notice?
    You have one line at the end of each paragraph or Stanza in poetry lingo.

    Each one of those "odd" one out lines rhymes, and like a hidden secret poem of its own.

    You could emphasize that in brackets so it appears like a code?

    Setting the words out makes them more dynamic to the readers eyes.

    (((and sucks all those feelings away)))

    (((I ache because he will always stay)))

    (((I don't know what to do today!)))

    (((but when people ask, I say I'm OK!)))

    Do you get what I mean?
    ...
    You asked for serious critique?
    If you will, but it will take me an hour or so on my smartphone, so if you will have patients, I'll offer more advice soon!

  2. Jodie

    Anxiety, and all that goes with it, is your shadow, and it is attached to you like our shadows are attached to each of us. We walk through life with these shadows, so it would be ideal if we could learn a little something about, and try to show at least some respect for, one another. Show your shadow how much self-love, self-worth, and self-respect you have as often as you can, and he may come to see you in a different light and not be as likely to harm you, or, at least, not as often. Change his mind about you and never believe a word he says when he speaks negatively. Good luck!! Thank you for sharing this insightful piece of writing!

  3. mandy

    Great!! Keep it up

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